Confessions Of a Hollowed Mind.

Sometimes footnotes are not really footnotes. They are usually life notes or notes of music carrying life on their crests and troughs. “Sometimes love will pick you up by the short hairs.. and jerk the heck out of you.” Fresh from a burned heart, this footnote suddenly grabbed my attention while I was blindly flipping the blank pages of my company’s almanac. How true it was!! And what followed was the usual rush of blood and the same loathing pain.

Just the other day, I was watching a movie, aptly titled “Lost love”, which gave me a new dimension to the word love. “It is something which when slips from your hand breaks your heart but it feels fu****ng good.” Very true. Post breakup. What an amazing state of mind it leads to!! It seems most of the sad songs of Rafi and Mukesh were just penned down for you and for this auspicious occasion. Even a skilled medical practitioner cannot understand the inherent pathos hidden in these songs but a broken hearted can. I never realized how I started relating to these love ballads but I tell you, they followed me everywhere, to the office, to the bed, to the tea stall and even to the bathroom. My devastated four chambered heart temporarily got a partner, a singing partner.

I remember what my mom told me when I disclosed about this girl. “Ladki ke chakkar mein mat pado.Jindagi barbad ho jayegi.(Keep away from girls or you will ruin your life).” I don’t know how my mom can be so critical and harsh about the community of which she herself is a partner. May be she was just sharing her experience of her encounters with this mysterious community in her college. Now I realize what she was hinting at. When this lovely “love” goes, it leaves you hollow, a deafening silence; you feeling lost, devoid of aspirations and desires. In short, a shattered mortal, left at the mercy of his own thoughts.

If you really want to judge yourselves, judge after a breakup. Oh! What negative thoughts. It will show you how nasty you can become. You will be able to find all sorts of shortcomings in your ex partner. “She was not worth.” “May be she was already in a relationship.” How such thoughts cloud your mind and that too for someone so dear?

Life is so strange. But somewhere in some remote corner of you heart that love still tinkles. And you realize it is time to move on. Life has its own ways and may be that dear girl was not a part of your scheme of things. But she still was a part of your past .The past laden with sweet memories and moments to cherish. Why not lighten things up with these memories and move on humming those love ballads. After all this is what we call life. Love, Involvement, Falter, and Experience.

AKJ

The Ruler

The place was lonely
Nobody cared.
So much to say
None to sit and stare.

The gaze was down
The voice was low
The King was there
Sans the crown.

Down to the earth,
The minaret had come.
The ruler had lost.
What was left
Was filthy crumb .

The dreams broken
The days dark as nights
Aimless, goal less
Was our knight.

Life was threatening.
Signaling its end .
Horrified was the ruler
With the steep descend.

Unknown were,
The Paths of failure
The ruler understood,
Life is not always merrier.

With the past glory at stake
And for sheer namesake
The ruler rose from the dust
Pointing the sword
Still devoid of rust.

“I cannot go down, without fighting”
The ruler declared.
“Who cares, if there is none to sit and stare”.
Life is the name of struggle
Face the heat, return the giggle.

The paths are dusty,
Stony and steep
Life teaches you
Not to sit, crib and weep.
Come forward, take the sword
It is in struggle,
You find “GOD”.

AKJ